This sermon was given by Rev. Judith Campbell at Stevens Chapel on June 15, 2003.

Making a Difference

I have always had a difficult time with both Mother’s and Father’s day because for me it is one of those "great-expectation" holidays, created by the greeting card industry and fostered by the consumer index, neither of which seem to be connected to the human reality that not all kids and their parents have relationships they want to celebrate in greeting cards, potted plants or Lazy-boy" recliners.

When I was little, Father’s Say was a nightmare for me. My parents were divorced, my father was painfully not present in my life, and all the cards and the recliners and the little things we made in school were going to other kids’ dads, who of course were perfect, loving, and, most of all, there. I had a father; anyone who is breathing has one. But he was not a dad. Biological reproduction does not automatically make a "dad" or a grand dad. And many of the men and women in this world who have made a significant difference in the lives of another person may or may not have birthed or sired the people they have so profoundly helped affected and nurtured. How many of us have taken a kid, or another adult even, under our wing and made the road ahead a little easier? How many of us have "adopted" a kind of parent figure when our parents own were, for whatever reason, not able to fill a need - real or imagined - that we might have had. Which when you think about it, it’s a pretty tall order for any parent: to be everything that your kid needs. First of all, it is completely unrealistic and secondly, trying to be all things can have some very negative results on all concerned if the kid expects it and/or you as a parent try to accomplish it. (Unrealistic expectations are nasty business and Greeting card holidays are full of them. But back to my subject).

In the professional or educational world the concept of "mentoring" has become fashionable and vital. A mentor is a person, often older and/or more experienced, who takes an interest in another person who is just starting out and "shows them the ropes" so to speak and guides them into their own development within the system.

For my three years of ministry, called in the trade, "Preliminary Fellowship" I had to have a "Official" mentor (besides my de facto one, Dick Fewkes). Her name was Holly Bell, and she was a long time friend and the long time minister of the Unity UU church in North Easton. She is now retired. She was very helpful and very supportive listening to me and counseling me I wobbled through my first sermons, weddings and funerals. She took an interest, and generously gave of her time and experience. Now it is my turn to take this kind of role with Janet, and hopefully other young ministers who would learn "the trade". Holly and Dick made a significant difference in my life as a minister. They were my spiritual "God Parents".

Think for a minute of those people in your own life who were not your parents, but who made a real difference for you at one time or another. Sometimes it is in the form of a long term friendship or relationship with someone. And sometimes it is a chance encounter that changes everything for you. And differences come in many shapes and sizes. But big or little, we have the power to affect another, and be affected by another if we are willing and open to it.

I think of the professor who found me some 40 years ago, in tears in the college cafeteria. I had just taken my first essay exam in the college I had just transferred to, and failed it miserably. I had no clue how to write an essay exam, or even an essay for that matter.

I was in this sorry state because when I was in high school I was such a creative writer, and a con artist. I managed to evade any classes on the technical side of writing, and slid through writing plays, poetry, song parodies, and anything else that was fun and creative. The awful dawn came when I was expected to do some formal critical and expository writing, and I didn’t have a clue.

Back to the cafeteria. I had the crumpled blue book in my hand, and I was about as despondent as a college sophomore could be! Professor Ed Solin -I still remember his name - sat down with me and asked what was the matter. I blurted it all out, including the part where I was hopeless, dumb stupid, ugly, and would be better off working in a factory. And then I took a breath, and in that moment he said the magic work: "Outline". For me "outline" was something you got when you traced an object with a pencil, an outline. In the next five minutes, he showed me what I had missed in all of my high school English classes: how to outline an idea, and then how to fill in the outline; something I have been using ever since. Professor Solin left at the end of that year, he was just an "adjunct" passing through, but he took the time to stop and offer a hand and a heart to one miserable kid. It changed my life, and I have been writing ever since. I’ll never forget his kindness.

And while I can’t repay him directly, I feel as though I am repaying him every time I offer a helping guiding hand to another person, tell this story, or when I sat down to write this sermon.

My second grade teacher was one of the first non-family people to spot my artistic ability, and gave me lots of opportunities to make art and praise me for it. She even took one of my pieces and displayed it at a regional teacher’s conference. She never married and we were all her kids. I stayed in touch with her until she finally passed away. Neither of us ever forgot how she made me feel so special and important when, at seven years old, my parents were in the middle of a anguished divorce and my own world was coming apart.

Father’s Day is supposed to be about fathers. And that’s good if you have one, or you are one, and every body gets along. But that is a best case scenario in a perfect world.

If I could, I would re-write the script for Father and Mother’s Day. On Mother’s Day I would go back to Anna Jarvis’ original concept, and call it Mother‘s Peace Day, and ask all of the mothers in the world to do something, anything, to further the cause of world peace. And if I could re-write Father’s Day, I would take away the "great-expectations" and re-name it "Appreciation Day", and I would ask that we all think about someone in our lives who has made a difference to us. And if that person is still around, let him or her know, and thank them. And if they are not, think about them, and do an act of charity in their name or memory.

For those of us lucky to have great dads, or even mildly to moderately OK Dads, Father’s Day is a great day to honor them; but then so is every day. But if we don’t have a dad that we are close to, or we have one who for whatever reason is no longer with us, today is a perfect day to miss them and forgive them their shortcomings and also to forgive ourselves for expecting more than perhaps was possible.

I wish you all a wonderful day, however you will use the rest of it. But I hope and pray that sometime today or tomorrow you will think about some of those people in the course of your life who went the extra mile for you, and let them know how very much it meant.

Blessed Be.

The flowers you will bring home today signify the beauty in our differences that make us a diverse, but connected community. When you take your flower home, trim the stem a little bit, and put it in some water. It has come from one of us and it goes to another one of us. A fragile and beautiful connection to the light of truth and to one another, which is what we value so very highly. Happy "Appreciation" Day!