This sermon was given at Stevens Chapel on February 1, 2004, by the Reverend Judith Campbell

“We arrive out of Many Singular Rooms”

Making a place at the table for everyone. Introducing the “Welcoming Congregation Program” and what it means to us.

The Welcoming Congregation program was designed by people in our denomination whose job is was to put the you, and you, and, yes, even you into our first principle: “affirming the inherent worth and dignity of all persons”. And we do, we really do try to, but it is entirely possible that, no matter how well-meaning we are in our efforts to be welcoming and inclusive, we could be even better. Now most people hate to be told they could do a better job; it can easily be taken as an implied criticism, suggesting that what we are already doing is not good enough.

Folks, we can all do better at anything we do. The trouble is that digging around in places of fear, misunderstanding, anger and long held values or stereotypes is distinctly unsettling. And if we are “pretty good”, why ask for trouble? And in some ways presenting the Welcoming congregation program is asking for trouble. But I think it’s good trouble.

Attitudes towards people with differing gender preferences and orientations are as diverse as every one of us, because we are diverse, and we hold them. Our attitudes go all the way from total acceptance, comfort and honest dialogue on all levels to I don’t care what “they” do in private so long as it doesn’t effect me or my kids,to “they are God’s cursed people and AIDS is God’s way of punishing them. ”Them”, I actually heard that in a church one day years ago, and I am ashamed to admit that I while I was horrified by what I had just heard, I did not have the moral courage to get up and walk out. I would now.

The welcoming congregation program does a really good job of getting to our feelings about our differences and, most importantly, our feeling safe in the journey. Together (and I am taking the workshops, not leading them) we will find our own place on the welcoming and acceptance continuum, and then see if it is really where we want to be. And if it is, fine. And if it not, together we will look at changes we can make individually and as an organization, if and how we want to.

One unfortunate statistic I learned from a conversation with “headquarters” in getting advice about offering the welcoming congregation program is that in larger congregations (150 or more) offering the program often results in at least 2 people leaving the church. That may happen here. We do not legislate feelings, and we don’t lock doors from either side, but I do have one request:

Please, if you feel that you are one of those people who might have to leave because of an even wider open door policy than we already have, I would ask that you would at least have a conversation with me before you do.

So what is the program like? What happens in the workshops? And what happens next?

The Welcoming Congregation program is a series of 14 group workshops that defines itself in its subtitle as “resources for affirming Bisexual, Gay, Lesbian and/or Transgender People”. The most important words in the subtitle are “Resources for affirming”. They are important words because none of us has all of the answers, nor are we familiar with all of the issues. But we all are better off knowing WHERE the resources are that will help us all ensure the affirmation of the inherent worth and dignity of EVERY person. But let me tell you more about the actual process.

Each congregation making the decision to offer the program may choose amongst these 14 workshops those which they feel will be the most effective and useful for their particular group, and in some instances, like ours, combining material from more than one workshop in each session.

Our planning team and facilitators have chosen to offer four sessions which will combine information and exercises from several sessions recommended by the UUA for those churches and groups not presenting the entire 14 sessions.

Like so many of our offerings here, for those of you who choose to attend, your level of participation is yours alone, and attending a session does not mean you will be pressured to speak.

Our facilitators began this process and laid the groundwork by sending out an attitude survey to our membership asking that we fill it out and return it so that they might have a better idea of our own membership’s attitudes towards Bisexual, gay, lesbian and Transgender people. The letter emphasized that there were no right or wrong answers. The intent was to locate us - all of us - on our own UUSMV attitude continuum. An interesting side note to this is when the leadership of the UUA filled out the attitude survey, they had as broad a range of positions on the issue as any of our local churches had and have. The attitude survey is a way of locating where we are now, and determining where our needs might be and what direction we should take. Again I repeat: attitudes simply (or not so simply) just ARE. We come to the table with them. Whether or not they need enlightening and adjusting will be determined by what we learn in our exploration of these issues. Let me give you an example.

In our planning sessions, the term “internalized oppression” came up from time to time. That one was a new one for me. I knew about oppression: for example, the oppression of women via the “glass ceiling” in the corporate world. This is when a woman, no matter how good she might be, will never get to the top of an organization. The top is reserved for men. It would never be stated as official company policy; it just rarely happens that a woman is the CEO of a major organization. That’s external and insidious oppression. Internalizing that oppression is when a woman, a brilliant capable woman, doesn’t even try out for the position because inside she feels unworthy of it. That is why when I was a child girls were nurses and school teachers, instead of doctors and school principals and superintendents. Women just weren’t good enough for the power positions. We just didn’t have what it took. We were born without it.

A long time friend of mine, the Music Director of a mainland UU church, was in his late 30’s before he even admitted to himself that he was gay, and years after that before he “came-out”. He speaks emotionally of the fear and agony he felt as a child growing up in a fundamentalist Christian, Southern town, and the disgust he felt toward himself when it was clear to him who he was. Everything he did during that time was colored by the fact that he had a deep and very dark secret, a deep unsettling bad, dirty, evil secret, according to the people in the church his family attended. Those internalized feelings of oppression and resultant attitudes affected his college career and his professional career, until after many years of counseling and connecting with Gay and Lesbian organizations and support groups, and finally joining our own wonderful denomination, he reached a place where could be at home in his own mind and his own body.

Part of the price he paid he paid along that painful journey was being “Gay-bashed”, and being so badly beaten that his jaw was broken in three places, and most of his teeth were knocked out. Coming out is very risky business…even now.

Today, my friend has been happily partnered for almost 10 years, and is a respected musician and director of development for independent organizations. He speaks openly about his experiences in the hopes that he can help others not go through what he did. I heard his story when he gave a “sermon” at the Norwell Ma. UU church, over 5 years ago. I’ll never forget it.

What he didn’t have that we have now, and that we here are about to expand, were “resources for AFFIRMING” Bisexual, Gay Lesbian and Transgendered people.

A partnered lesbian Minister friend of mine whose Church was located in a city north and west of Boston was asked by some very conservative members of her congregation to take a public vow of celibacy if she wanted to continue as their pastor six years ago. She refused and happily the rest of the congregation did not feel the need to subject her to such a public humiliation.

A very unsettling statistic is that teen suicide rates are highest among Gay and Lesbian youth. Today! Nnot ten years ago. Today even with what we think are more enlightened attitudes. There was a Gay and lesbian youth group started at the high school here on the island, but no gay kids came. Curious straight kids came. But the Gay kids felt too exposed and too much at risk.

Since the ruling “almost legalizing” same sex marriage in Massachusetts, gay couples are starting to call me about getting married here. I’m delighted, and continue to pray that it will be a reality. Most of my colleagues here on the Island, by the dictates of their religion, will not be able to do this. I am proud that I can. Think about Judy Crawford’s poignant story this morning. What would it be like for us straight people not to be able to express affection to our spouse, indeed, not even be able to have a “spouse” legally! And possibly even worse. What would it be like to have your child take his or her own life because there was no safe place of understanding and hope?

As an official “Welcoming Congreation” we will be officially recognized as one of the 25% of UU congregations who have undertaken the training. That will be a proud statistic for us. Another proud statistic is the numbers of you who have signed up to do this. In much larger churches -churches of several hundred members - they count themselves lucky if they can get 10 people to sign up. We have 80-something active members and we have signed up a good number of them. We can be very proud of this. I am.

When we have completed the workshops, the last meeting is open to all of us. It is called ”what now?”. Having looked at ourselves and looked at our community, what pro-active steps can we take to really be affirming and really be welcoming to all who would come out of our many singular rooms?

In conclusion, I would ask you to remember my conversation with the children earlier this morning about the puzzle piece. As different as we all are, with our little bumps and hollows in differing configurations, every one of us has an important place in the grand design. Our job, as members of a community of faith, is to ensure that each of us has that place, because without any one of us, the picture is incomplete.

Blessed be.

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“We arrive out of Many Singular Rooms”