This sermon was given at Stevens Chapel on  July 4, 2004 by Rev. Judith Campbell.

 

Same gender marriage…..the debate is not over.

 

I did my first ceremony of holy union for two women over 6 years ago, and it didn’t last three months.  I had my reservations about it when I did it, but both the women had been students of mine, and “Kip”, not her real name, had been my student assistant throughout her four years at the college.  She was “butchy”, argumentative, and often getting herself into scrapes that I had to dig her out of.  She wore men’s clothing, had multiple studs in her ears, tattoos everywhere, and a partially shaved head from time to time. Over and above the field markings, she was highly intelligent, big hearted and loud.  She was a wiz with things technical, and often did the lighting in the school theatricals, when she wasn’t acting in them or riding on her motorcycle.  Her plans after graduation were to join a local police force and work with street kids.  She had been one, and she knew the ropes and where to find desperate, angry and frightened kids, and how to talk to them. I was genuinely sad when the marriage didn’t work out, because she wanted it to so very much.  But, there are many marriages that don’t work out; and gender preference has absolutely nothing to do with it. 

 

In the last month and a half, I have performed a number of same gender wedding ceremonies.  Without exception, these couples have been together for years, and the ceremony was a formality, legalizing a life commitment made years before.  And also without exception, I wept with the couples when I repeated the words: ”In the grace of that which we name holy in our own way, and with the power NEWLY vested in me by the state of Massachusetts, I declare that you are married!” 

 

My subject this morning is marriage equality.  It is about the right of tax paying, voting, serving in the military, vehicle driving, parents, grandparents, policemen and women, firefighters, teachers, doctors, lawyers and even ministers to legally marry the person they love. It is about the civil rights supposedly granted to all citizens to sign a binding contract. It is about the right to have or adopt children and be a family. It is about having cornflakes together in the morning and arguing about who puts the top back or not on the toothpaste in that home - without fear of discrimination, or worse. 

 

My message is about granting the constitutional rights we say we guarantee to all citizens of this country to all citizens of this country. It is about speaking up in defense of those human rights of worth and dignity of every individual as part of our Unitarian Universalist public and religious witness and institutional commitment to social justice.

 

Last week, my husband and I attended the UU General Assembly where marriage equality was a hot topic and a wonderful new reality with any number (I lost count) of newly married same gender couples triumphantly waving their not quite dry marriage licenses in the air, and showing pictures of an event that for years they dared not even remotely dream of.  It was wonderful!

 

At this year’s GA, workshops and presentations on advocacy around this issue addressed topics such as public witness and advocacy and techniques for dealing with the press, which I’ll share with you after the service.  We listened to any number of personal stories of tragedy and triumph shared by people there.  One particularly vivid presentation which was both moving and funny was given by Hillary Goodrich, one of the partners of the six couples who were brave enough to challenge the law here in Massachusetts.  She told animated stories of being photographed with her daughter, making pancakes by the hundred, as media people tried to portray her as an ordinary mom (she hates to cook!). And we winced when she told of the day their six year old daughter announced she knew her two mothers didn’t really love each other, because if they did, they would be married like other kids’ parents.

 

But when opponents of marriage equality failed in their attempts to delay or block the court’s decision in Massachusetts, Hillary and her partner Julie were married on May 17, by the Rev. Bill Sinkford, our denominational president.

 

I have a friend who is a town Clerk in a Massachusetts town.  According to his bumper stickers, he is a political conservative.  We argue a lot, but we both like and respect each other.  He has a son who I am reasonably sure is gay, although we have never discussed it.  We were talking business and I asked him if he had done any same gender weddings.  He said he was going to do one that weekend, and that by law, as a town clerk, he had to marry any couple if asked.  He couldn’t refuse. “I’ll do a good job for them.” he said, but “I don’t really approve of marriage for ‘those people’. Civil unions, maybe, but marriage”  Then he went on to say, “I mean, God forbid my son was “that way”. Sure, I’d still love him, he’s my son and all, but marriage. Even for him I just don’t think it is right.”  I promptly gave my “elevator speech” about equality for all people under this fine US constitution, and suggested the current proposed and resurrected legislation which would limit or actually deny any citizens their constitutional rights would be a shameful step backwards in our glorious history of a government for and by the people. I was really getting wound up when his cell phone rang; and one of us was saved by the bell.

 

The following Monday, I asked him how it went. He looked at me with a curious smile… “You know”. He said, “they really loved each other. I guess I hadn’t expected it to be so, so emotional.  I don’t know what I was expecting, but when they looked at each other, and the way they said their vows, just they way they stood together.  Well, it was really nice.  I did a good job for them, and I’m glad I did it, and now, I’ll be glad to do another one.”

 

Despite stories like this, the battle for marriage equality is far from over.  There is a backlash movement across the country aimed directly at same gender couples. An article in the Seattle Times reports that in Virginia legislation has just been passed that could negate powers of attorney, wills, leases, child custody arrangements and health insurance granted by companies that recognize domestic partnerships. This has ramifications far beyond marriage, and will affect contractual agreements entered upon between any two people of the same gender, regardless of their relationship to one another.  Think about it!

 

Same sex couples are not allowed to adopt children in Oklahoma.  A single person may adopt a child, but a same sex couple may not. Now Oklahoma has just passed legislation barring gay couples from adopting children from out of state as well, refusing to recognize the family status for purposes of schooling, medical insurance etc. 

 

One of the arguments I often hear against same gender marriage is: “I  worry about the children”. I heard those very words when we were in Transylvania, where they do not even admit to having any gay and lesbian people in the population much less allowing  their marriage or ordination to Ministry.  You can imagine some of the arguments I got myself into.  My response to the “I worry about the children” is usually  “I worry more about what a lot of straight people do to their kids. It’s not pretty.  At least adopted kids or a gay couple’s birth children through surrogate parentage are very much wanted and carefully planned for.”

 

I would be a fool if I thought we could change everyone’s thinking on this issue.  And as a conscientious UU, I need to say that I will respect another individual’s religious stand opposing this issue, even though I do not share it.  I will paraphrase my letter to the MV Times and The Gazette published earlier this year when I said,  “if you don’t; believe in same gender marriages, don’t attend them or perform them”.  I can handle that, but please do  not deny constitutional rights to gay and lesbian voting, taxpaying citizens of this country.  That is the issue.  It is a civil rights issue.  And because our denomination has a proud history of taking a public stand on civil rights and social justice, through our shared principles of right living, we have made it a religious commitment as well.  We are closer than we have ever been to marriage equality for all people, but we still have a long way to go.

 

Am I preaching to the choir here? Mostly!  Not every one here agrees with me. But,quoting the words of Jason Shelton, the song leader for the GA Sunday morning worship in Long Beach California, ”the choir has got to get up off it’s collective butts and SING!  Make a joyful and determined noise.  Take action, be an advocate, speak up. The debate is not over.  Your friends and family members are still in danger.”

 

I regularly sign licenses for off Island Clergy friends who are forbidden by their denomination to perform gay marriages.  They fear if they are discovered, they could lose pastoral standing in their denomination, or be denied their pensions.  It is too great a risk.  On the other hand, there are UU clergy who will not sign any marriage licenses until all people are free to marry.  Sympathetic clergy of other denominations have stepped up and are signing licenses for them.

 

One of the ministers at GA told us she was waiting to find out whether or not she was going to be sent to jail for performing same sex weddings in defiance of the law.  An openly gay Methodist minister was NOT defrocked by an ecclesiastical court and allowed to return to her parish and her partner in Washington state.  My friend Donna Clifford, a financial analyst, and her longtime partner, Rev. Dorothy Emerson, were given flowers by well wishers when they went to Medford City hall on May 17th to get their marriage license.  They had a ceremony of Holy Union years before, but “renewed” their vows and had one whale of a backyard barbeque with family and friends to celebrate the legalizing of their union.  Dorothy and Donna will likely come here and speak at a Sunday service, not on Gay marriage, but on socially responsible investing.  It will be interesting and timely, and part of our UU mission on world wide stewardship.

 

When a Gay or lesbian couple ask me to be the celebrant at their wedding, I treat them as I would any couple.  I take the same time with them in planning, require the same pre-nuptial meetings, and take the same care I do with any wedding, and I charge the same (sliding) fee with one exception.  I ask the couple if they have had a previous ceremony, and if all they want is for me to sign the license.  In that case, there is no charge for me to sign my name

 

We who care deeply and passionately about this issue are doing what we can in big ways and in little ways, but every single thing we do counts and like the ripples on the surface of a pond they keep moving outward. 

 

The debate is not over. But the debate not about sexuality. It is about equality.  Separate but equal NEVER IS.   From water fountains to schools to job opportunities to civil unions separate or almost the same, is never equal. Have we learned anything yet? 

 

For those of you who would like to know more, do more and share your thoughts and feelings on this issue, you are cordially encouraged to gather after the social hour where I have material to share including advocacy tips for those of us who are willing to step up to the task. 

 

It is our moral and religious calling to promote and affirm the inherent worth and dignity of every person, and to work for justice, equity and compassion in human relations.  That’s why I’m here, and that’s why you’re here!

 

Amen!