This sermon was given by Rev. Judith Campbell at the service held on February 6, 2005, at Stevens Memorial Chapel.

Deadly Assumptions

Did you know:

That in a room full of Unitarian Universalists, the people there are not of one mind politically, religiously culturally or socially.

That you can be a religious liberal and a political conservative.

That some Born-again Christians and Orthodox Jews approve of same sex marriage, and some Catholics practice birth control and approve a woman’s right to choose. That any number of Unitarian Universalists enjoy hunting for food and sport and belong to the National rifle association. That just because you think one way about something it does not make it fact or that the person you are speaking to understands what you are saying. I believe I said something to that effect in my opening words.

Did you know that some of our own members and friends have felt uncomfortable sharing or disclosing their political or religious points of view because it is that all Unitarian Universalists and UU sympathizers are by their very UU affiliation, political liberals, non-Christian, in favor of same sex marriage, pro-abortion and anti death penalty democrats who oppose all types of military aggression. We are also environmentalists and conservationists who compost everything and all of our women breastfeed their babies.

We belong to a religion that raises holding differing points of view to an almost sacred level, and yet, when confronted with “certain” differing points of view we are incredulous to scathing. How could anyone on this Island have voted for Bush? (Everyone living on Martha’s Vineyard is a liberal democrat.) The one exception is the man who stands at “5” corner with the big signs promoting war in Iraq and banning gay marriage.

How could anyone in this ROOM voted for President Bush?, but you know some of us did, and that’s what makes this country and this island and this church what it is- is the constitutional right to different opinions. And there are people in this church, and possibly in this room right now, probably…make it definitely people in this room, who hold conservative views and who should not feel uncomfortable voicing them, or be made to feel like they are in a loathsome minority when a member or a guest assumes that we are all of one mind…religiously or politically. I am not at all comfortable with that. Conservative is not a bad word…rather it is the yang, the balance of liberal and balance and differing opinion is vital to our democracy.

We UU’s have never been of one mind on much of anything, It’s what we do.

But, are some differences more acceptable than others. It would appear that around here they are, depending of course on the individual and the issue…but who’s to judge? I think we should leave positions on issues to the people involved, and not make decisions for them…or about them…or about us, or about me, or about you.

My Transylvanian minister-musician friend, Rev. Zizi Gellerd often says, “Assume nothing, observe everything”.

I keep those words over my desk now

And yet, I can say with uncomfortable certainty that the times in my life when I have stuck my foot deepest into my mouth and gotten myself most uncomfortably involved in hurtful misunderstandings and possibly had the worst battles with my husband or one of my children has been a direct result of making a totally wrong assumption that I didn’t’ bother to check out before I acted.

By now I should know better, and yet, if I’m not careful, I can still fall into the assumption trap far too easily.

Some of my mistaken assumptions have simply been embarrassing to me and annoying to irritating the object of my assumption. Like the time I saw an Asian couple with their children looking at the Mayflower in Plymouth. Jumping to a thoroughly erroneous conclusion, I smiled, bowed slightly and used a few of the very few Japanese words of greeting I have managed to learn. The gentleman smiled graciously and slightly accented but perfect English, he told me they were from the Korea, and hadn’t the faintest idea of what I was saying, and asked me if I spoke English and if I didn’t, and he pointed and gesticulated and went on to tell me there was an international guide over at the information booth who might speak my language and could help me.

I wanted to crawl through the sidewalk. I know that not all Asian people are Japanese or speak Japanese, and Asian people like any of us do not like being miss-labeled because they have an epicanthic fold over their eyes. I know that! But I made a hasty assumption and with the best of friendly but misguided intentions made a total fool of myself, and worse, insulted them.

And the worst part is- I didn’t learn! I have done similar things again! Not as often these days, but if I am not careful I will fall into my own assumption trap.

That is one personal example, and I can assure you there are others.

Families and couples can get themselves into all kinds of miscommunication when one person in the relationship makes an assumption and then acts on the assumption, ASSUMING the other person or people in the situation know what the first person is thinking and why he/she is doing what they are doing.

Many of us have seen situations like this one.

The long suffering passive aggressive spouse who is giving the “silent treatment” to the other spouse or partner and when asked what is going on says something like, “if you have to ask, you’ll never know” in the assumption that the other one knows exactly what is wrong, and then further assuming that the icy silence is somehow going to clarify the issue. Wrong! Silence doesn’t clarify a misunderstanding, it solidifies it.

Or the woman who had been pestering her roommate to move some things that had been the way for months, finally moved them to where the procrastinator would trip over them in the assumption that she would get the hint. Wrong. People who don’t want to get hints usually don’t.

In both of these examples, confronting the issue directly by initiating conversation about the issue seemed to be out of the question…or impossible. Passive aggressives by definition, don’t confront. In the case of the married partners the silent one assumed the other one knew why she was angry, and therefore was twice as angry because he didn’t know, and in the case of the roommates, the aggravated one assumed that moving the stuff was enough of a hint to produce the desired result. Neither technique worked and the people involved were frustrated to furious. Both situations could have been avoided by asking instead of assuming.

Assume nothing, observe everything, or at the very least, ask for directions!.

What about religious and spiritual assumptions?

This past Tuesday, Bill and Anita Christian and I were at the neighborhood convention, which met this month at Faith Community church, a conservative Christian Church. A woman greeted Bill and Anita as they walked in and asked where they were from. When they said “here”, she said, “oh…you’re not Christians.”….Well, Bill and Anita most certainly are “Christians” by name, and Anita is also Christian by faith, and proud of it. (And I of course asked their permission to relate this anecdote!)

And speaking of Christians…the other day, I actually heard someone say that… I was probably not the person to say this to, but after the election, she was really down on Christians! She was right, I was the wrong person to say that to…and it was not about Christians…it was my discomfort with sweeping stereotyping assumptions. Remember, some of my best friends are Christians.

We know we should not make assumptions about a whole group of people because of the actions of a few and yet we unconsciously do it.

I am continually called to explain to my Island clergy and others who haven’t bothered to ask or observe, but who assume, because UUs are not Catholics and not Jewish, we are therefore some breed of Protestant and therefore Christian. Well, some of us are. UU Christians follow the teachings of Jesus over those of any other prophet or teacher, but view God as one and not subdivided into three manifestations. I am not a UU Christian, but I think the wisdom and teachings of the man Jesus are of benefit to anyone, and thus I have preached his life and teaching and will do so again.

Unitarian Universalists are/should be the last people on earth to make assumptions and jump to conclusions, but we are human, and humans make assumptions and jump to conclusions -a lot.

All of us need to try to remember to pause before coming to a hasty conclusion. Me most of all. I’m guilty. I do it. I jump to conclusions and I make assumptions…but I am trying not to. I’m not always successful, and when I forget, I fall on my face with a resounding crash. But I’m still trying. Awareness is the first step, action is the second.

Not making assumptions is really about respecting the mystery and the privacy and the unique individuality of another person. Please don’t make assumptions about my politics or my religion or my creativity or my exuberance or my silence or anything else about me and I won’t do it to you.

If ours is a religion which leads us through the light of reason and into the heart of wonder let us do it with a really open mind…not one we just put on for company.

What does that mean?

It means that as member congregations of the Unitarian Universalist Association, we covenant to affirm and promote:

The inherent worth and dignity of every person and living thing. (my Addition)

Justice, equality and compassion in human relations

Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations

A free and responsible search for Truth and meaning

The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large

The goal of world community with peace, liberty and Justice for all

Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.

Those are the seven principles of Unitarian Universalism

They don’t make assumptions.

They call us as Unitarian Universalists to be most fully human and to live in understanding and respectful harmony with other living beings and creatures with whom we share this mother earth. It is a tall order, and I am assuming, and this is one of the few assumptions I’ll dare to make today. That it is one of the reasons we are here today and why we will return.

Let us join together in

A prayer for Greater Understanding.

(Which may be addressed to God, the divine Great Spirit of all creation, the person you love or the person sitting beside you …or to heads of state around the world..

Let me look into your eyes and really see you as you are:

not what I think you are

or what I think you might or ought to be.

Help me get past the fears and misunderstandings

That prevent my knowing the truth of you.

Let me see the you that is before me

And not the mask that I have put on you

Or the color I have painted you

Or walls I built around you.

Help me past the wall I have built around myself.

A wall made up of other peoples thinking

Of other peoples words

Of other peoples mindless fears.

That wall that has closed me off from hearing you

and knowing you And loving you.

The world inside my wall was safe,

but it was lonely.

I want to hear your words of hope,

And touch your heart of faith.

I want to breathe your joy.

I want to know you as you would have me know you,

And then

When both of us are ready

Will you trust me to be with you in the dark sad lonely places of the soul?

And we will not be alone.

So you will not be alone

So we will not be alone

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Deadly Assumptions

A prayer for Greater Understanding.